Communication

The single most important aspect of any successful relationship is being able to communicate effectively.   Learn how to be an active listener instead of planning your next response. When in conflict, use “I” statements to express how something or someone is affecting you. When responding to your friend, use reflective statements that show you are truly engaged in what they are saying.  Ask for clarification instead of making assumptions.

Mutual Respect

You begin a friendship with a preconceived set of values and ideas, which is how the friendship was developed in the first place.  You were also attracted to the set of ideals and opinions discovered in the relationship. It is important to be not only accepting, but value the differences you have. In a strong friendship, you can challenge and encourage each other without putting down or debasing. Respect your friend’s time and boundaries as well. People tend towards a degree of privacy; discuss these limits.  Everyone has different needs when it comes to time spent on the phone, hanging out, texting, and email. This goes back to communication, as it is your responsibility to convey your needs and limitations.

Shared Interests

Many friendships are formed through participation in mutual activities or work.  Do activities together that you both enjoy.  If you are both parents, find ways to hang out with the kids, attend church, or engage in sports and hobbies. Finding time to do activities can be a challenge. Friendships can be maintained without activities, however; make it point to stay in contact to relay important events in your life.

Compromise

You are not going to agree with your friend all of the time. Differences in background, outside interests, and beliefs systems can show up in disagreements and conflict.  Studies show that people who can “agree to disagree” and not always voice their own complaints, report happier relationships.  Critical issues, find a way to negotiate or meet in the middle. Compromising is a skill that becomes easier with practice.

You can build and maintain healthy and lasting friendships by following simple guidelines of communication and respect.  You can also use these pieces to strengthen existing relationships.